Thappad - A slap on our faces - Movie review

I return to mainstream blogging after a long hiatus of three years, mostly due to a hectic schedule. This wasn't planned as such, but when the trailer of thappad dropped, I was intrigued. It seemed pretty promising and thought-provoking. And since Taapsee can carry a solo hit on her own, I was looking forward to watching this.

A worrying phenomenon

Post the release, I was casually looking for reviews. And I ran into something strange. All the critic reviews were on the higher side, but somehow, IMDb ratings were skewed towards the lower end (5/10) region. A bit of analysis revealed something disturbing. Here is a breakup of the ratings by demographic.

As is clearly evident, males have rated the movie on the lower end of the scale - which is what has brought the overall rating down to ~5.5. Think about this for a moment. Men in India lost their ability to call a good thing good or a bad thing bad. We don't even want to acknowledge that there is a problem in the first place. We can't stand it when someone calls out our flaws. And that's a worrisome phenomenon. The first step towards solving a problem is to recognize there is one. We are yet to do that. Or maybe we don't want to lose that false sense of male entitlement. As one of my close friend Taleef mentioned, if one movie can make Indian men question their masculinity so much, it's just a sad day for us. Anyway, let's move on to the movie review.

The movie

Thappad talks about the gender dynamics subtly being played in our daily life. It is a very strong statement against patriarchy and violence against women that has been normalized by our Indian society. It offers a harsh reality check into what happens with women in India, and questions our direct or indirect complicity in it. 

Taapsee Pannu plays a good wife taking care of her mother-in-law and husband in a normal family. She also receives the love of the family and everything is fine until JUST ONE SLAP which changes everything. The things explored after this slap really take out the mindset which is inherent in our society. I could relate so many things with my life.

Taapsee Pannu is terrific. The quiver in her voice sent chills down my body. Her silence speaks volumes. It is easily the best performance of her career. Pavail Gulati's turn from a decent man to a man who stands by his right to slap his wife(once only) is something to watch. He is exceptionally effortless, to say the least. Other supporting actors are well cast and fit into the roles they play of mother-in-law, neighbor, maid and maid's husband.

Tappad makes you question everything happening around us. It is a crucial film that tells that dreams have no gender and women also have rights to dignity and happy life. No one, I mean no one, should slap his/her partner and expect her to accept it and continue like nothing happened.

The questions
Thappad is an extremely uncomfortable movie to watch. But it's necessary for this day and age. It questions our oblivious behavior towards the wrongs that happen towards women on a daily basis. It questions the entitled rights that we men think we have over women. It questions the way we have been conditioned to think that women need to adjust and compromise and accommodate a husband's wishes. 

A look at the comments on the trailer highlight the plight of relationships/marriages in India. As rightly mentioned in the movie, more than half of marriages would break off if we called out what was wrong. And it would be a good thing too. 

As you might have noticed, I feel very strongly about this topic. And part of it can be attributed to a personal incident that left a lifelong impact.

A close relative(my aunt) was married to a man who seemed like a nice guy at first glance. Smart, educated, cool. But his inflated male ego eventually got the better of him. His wrong sense of male entitlement was abysmal. As an example, he expected her to cook even when she was extremely sick. He could go out with whoever he wanted - and yet, his wife had to stay at home and take his permission for going to the grocery store. She was tortured for focusing on her career/work for a continuous period of four years. And he was so blind to all of this that he didn't even realize he was wrong. He was never apologetic about his actions. He would emotionally blackmail her, concluding most times that it was her fault that she was going through all of this. And the worst part, the part I really regret, is the fact that we did not do anything knowing all of this was happening. We kept asking her to adjust, compromise, etc. etc. just to maintain the facade of this so-called "marriage".  Peeking my eyes through their door sometimes, I used to see everything as it really was. The slaps, the arguments, and the constant pleading. Violence, disrespect, and abuse. And that I did not speak against it when I should have is something I will regret forever. As they say, the darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis.

Finally, after intervention by us and a painful long-drawn legal battle, she got separation and moved in with our family. Did she live happily ever after? She did not. No one ever does, despite what the stories may say. But her dignity and self-respect - she preserved that. Her basic rights of being respected and cared for - something that this world should have provided - she was finally able to get them. And that is what mattered to her and us. Nothing more, nothing else. And in my humble opinion, it is an absolute myth that a woman needs a man to live a complete life. I personally know a lot of single women who are doing as well as, and some better than, they would have done with a partner. And this goes both ways, for both men and women.

Respect begins at home
When I was a kid(~15 years old), I remember arguing with my mom on something silly. It started out with mom reprimanding me and I ended up shouting at her. It was a spur of the moment reaction, and I almost immediately apologized for it. But what happened next shook me to the core. My father, who was watching this happening, rose up from his chair, came up close and over me, and with a bone-chilling voice told me -

"She maybe your mother, but before that, she is my wife. And if she is ever shouted at like that again, there will be no one worse than me."

My dad taught me a lot of things, but the biggest lesson was that you should never ever raise your voice or disrespect someone you love. And it is this lesson that has to be driven at a young and impressionable age to all of us boys/men. It is NOT right to shout/abuse or disrespect your partner in any manner. It is not a form of love, no matter what 'Kabir Singh' and other misogynistic movies might say.

Redemption
Thappad has been a real eye-opener for me. We need more films like this, since in a counry like India, entertainment is the best form of legal education. One good film can drive home a point that 1000 legal articles cannot.

Let us take some time to thank the women in our lives. And to make the world a better place for them - a world that should have been fair from the get-go.